It seems like everyone is talking about boundaries...but what are they really referring to?
Boundaries are like invisible lines between you and another person, group or institution. You can't see them, but you can usually feel once they've been crossed. With practice, you can learn to sense them before that happens. You can also get to know your standing boundaries (things you know you need in order to feel healthy and safe psychologically, in your body, in the workplace, within your relationships and in regards to your time and autonomy).
Boundaries are there to help you. They try to remind you of your own needs and feelings, which may be different from what others feel, need or want. They can also alert you when your physical or psychological wellbeing is at risk. Healthy boundaries make relationships more balanced and safe.
Imagine a highway without any boundaries to define the lanes, the speed, or when and where to turn. If anyone could drive anywhere, it would be unsafe and hard to navigate. People would get hurt, it would be confusing, and scary.
Or what if if only one or two cars got to make the rules, but no one else got a say?
Most people generally accept that all of the cars on the road benefit from a clear understanding of the boundaries, and that those boundaries apply to all because they're there to keep everyone moving and safe. In reality, boundaries are so important on the road that if one car isn't respecting the boundaries, that driver can be fined or even arrested.
Boundaries are equally important in healthy relationships, but they're not always as easy to enforce. They may be hard to identify and hard to talk about. It may even be tricky to know what to do when other people voice their boundaries. So many people struggle with boundaries -- especially if healthy boundaries weren't modelled early on -- and seeking help is such a brave and healthy choice.
If you'd like to work on identifying and improving your boundaries and/or your responses to other people's boundaries, therapy can be a place to start. Please reach out for a free consultation if you'd like to learn more about working together.
Check out my next post about boundaries, if you'd like to: Identifying your Boundaries
Comments